Driving on a highway, somewhere. The small specter warm on my nostrils then cool, lungs slowly fill and empty in soothing rhythm. The slower it goes: sleep may pull down already heavy eyelids, or pull awareness so far back into that open-eyed white velvety darkness. "A darkness shining in brightness which brightness could not comprehend". An opening for an overlap: smashing metal, scraping skin, slow-motion cartwheels, shattering glass, a sharp blow, sleep. These things I know.
Bright lights batter, I don't like them. Under my hands, the steering wheel sheds epidermal layers. Sweat, white knuckles, this despite deep breathing. Strands of overworked muscle hook higher up the chain, my shoulder hurts at the end of the week and I can't figure out why, even though I watch it build up. Energy used for tension.
On a cushion, pull my legs into an unusual shape for this side of the world. Lately my legs fall asleep only a little after half an hour. I consider this progress, at least in so far as it keeps things interesting. Back takes a long time to fatigue now, not sitting on my 1st lumbar vertebrae anymore. All is vanity.
Eyelids light, like they want to open. Body tall, like a radio antennae. Toes hold the lower pentagram's tendons. Knees stay loose, but regular and organized. Sinking bones, expanding breath. Tongue tip back two front teeth. What will I do after I sit? Remember... Sinking bones, expanding breath. Bottoms of the thighs are pushing the right side of the pelvis, relax. This story should really...I think I see something. Sinking bones, expanding breath. A ball, rolling up and down the ghost ladder. Cut body lines. Energy used for awareness.
A blank white space. Needs some order? Based off the last one? If a ruler keeps a line straight, why can't I draw a straight line with it? This one will fill one blank white space. Get out of my way. Out of the whale? yes. Then he will walk in the woods? Yes! Maybe he sees three paths? Which one will he take? His brain, his process, the place where the process stands to grip the lever. Clear sight after years of preparation. The world behind the tree will begin its slow creep in no matter which one he picks, as he digs deeper and deeper. The path of the priestess through Daath. Will he pass through and discard knowledge? Breaking through the rough soil of the underearth. Yes. Pencil to paper. Maybe like this. Like this. Just like this. Up for air, did I breathe? Energy used for work.
Spine bent uncomfortably for 8 hours? 10 hours? 3 hours? Hand gripping the pencil, body curling up like a drying leaf, crumpling. Gripping, this energy whips through, fire extinguishing fire. So many physical signals demanding attention. Some of work's energy, misappropriated. Tiny screams all over.
Hot water loosens up my hands. Devoting awareness to work: Sit up taller, breath softer, less tension. How can I hold a pencil or a pen, making marks without hurting my hand? This way? Yes...no. This way? Yes...much better.
Shoulder shrugs, fist gripping, legs taught, tension. Take a deep breath, grip with a muscle in tandem, stronger grip: deeper breath. Open up and say ahh. deflate and relax. That sighing ahh, drops the weight of the world. The weight of the car keys. Tension to energy.